Ramblings of an Old, Romantic Soul

  Beauty, grace, and elegance charm beyond compare; flawless skin, coquettish smile, perfectly coiffed hair. Classy, with a fashion sense thrifty with a dime; kindly, prudent, and humble, selfless with her time. Principled, considerate chose a Godly life; a paragon of virtue, loyal, loving wife. Seven children, all adored never thinking twice; filled with years of happiness, love and sacrifice. Epitome of graciousness words convey, extol; the beauty of Carmella, gentle heart and soul. Kristina M. Hooper, 8/14/2022

Going through motions, ‘cause that’s what I do pretending to care a damn about you. Thinking I’d rather be anywhere but wanting to break free to make a clean cut. Knowing I cannot keep up this charade convincing myself of love long decayed Believing that you must feel this divide facing the knowledge our sweet love has died. Breaking away so this pretense can cease Craving now only some 'semblance of peace. Kristina M. Hooper 8/11/2022

I am numb. I am lost.  my heart feels the frost. the loss of you overwhelms takes me to another realm where silence now reigns supreme and teardrops are a steady stream i cannot sing. i cannot dance while searching for another glance of your face, so sweet and fair time lingers, i am so aware our time, our love, was so brief how strange this is, pain and grief Kristina M. Hooper 7/27/2022 Photo credit to Kathryn A. Knauer

Tomorrow, Mom will have turned 92. I’ve been struggling with what to write, how to honor her memory. At the memorial mass, my eldest sister, Mary Jo, shared a beautiful reflection of her memories, of many things that most people didn’t know about Mom. So, with her permission, I decided now is a perfect opportunity to share with all of you. To Carmella - the myth, the legend! Happy birthday, Mom. You are loved, remembered, and missed every day ❣️ THIS IS A TRIBUTE TO A WOMAN OF STRENGTH, ENDURANCE, AND LOVE ~ MY MOM A wise man recently told me that “your personality is God-given, but your temperament is a learned behavior”.  On the surface, the two may not match and may contradict one another, which can be confusing to say the least to yourself and those you love. But with the help of the Great Physician, it doesn’t have to stay that way.   As I prayed and reflected on what I was going to say today I struggled through many emotions before finding the right words. Like many moth...

Dulcinea 5 June 2005 ~ 1 August 2021 Death seems to be ever present in our home these days. First Mom, now our beloved Dulcinea.   The look of death is the same, whether human or animal. And it isn't pretty. It matters not if they died peacefully, that empty look of death is the same - when you know the living soul that dwelt within is no longer present.  We had the gift of Dulcinea for 16 years.  We chose her (and her sister, Miss Marplestein) from a bunch of feral kittens at a farm. I held them in my arms, singing and bonding with them; telling them how precious they were.  When we brought them home, they were two small, frightened, sickly kittens. But we thought they were beautiful. In fact, Mom was the first person to meet 'our babies'. We were boasting and googling over them. So proud. Later Mom told us she thought they were the saddest looking creatures she had ever seen but didn't have the heart to tell us so. We were in love. And have been since that day...

Merry Christmas!  The poem below was written in 2012.  My dear friend graciously sent it back tome yesterday.  It is somewhat whimsical, using different Christmas carols, but the true Christmas spirit shines through. Between visitors, Mom, and prepping for the holiday, my writing has been sparse. My heart is still full of joy and happiness as we prepare for the coming of our Lord. Gifts have been bought, cards have been sent, and today Mom and I will wrap the gifts and place them under the tree.  May each of you hold the magic of Christmas in your heart.  May the season be filled with wonder, love, and grace.  And may 2021 bring only much joy and many blessings to all! 

And love.  This time of year the weather is beautiful in Florida. It is not cold nor hot, just gorgeous. Even so, it's beginning to look a lot like Christmas!  Thanksgiving was a day filled with family and food, and though Mom did not join us, she enjoyed her day of peace and solitude. It was a win win for all concerned.   Terry has been off work for the past four days - another blessing.  We've had time to decorate the house together, do yard work, put up our outdoor manger scene, and just have quality time.  Mom has been delightful.  She has joined us on two excusrions, and is looking forward to evening drives to see the array of Christmas lights.  She loves the house, and the tree.  She did not feel up to helping with the tree decorations, but she loved the Christmas music, loved watching Terry and I work together, and gave her advice on where ornaments should be hung.  Come evening, the house is comforting, warm, and cozy - like a hu...

  The support of family and friends is paramount on this journey with Mom.  I would be lost without the love of my sisters, who are always there to listen, encourage, visit. I would be wandering the misty flats without my dear friends who check on me daily, offering shoulders to cry on.   But most importanly, without the support of my beloved, this journey would not be happening. He is a constant source of  unconditional love and trust. He had no doubts (contrary to me) about Mom moving to Florida. He simply said 'it's what families do'. Mom adores him, and he adores her.  When he comes home from work, her mood changes - it makes her happy to have 'the man of the house' home. She feels safe.  He reminds her often how loved she is and how happy he is to have her with us.  He reminds her this is her home now, she is a part of our little family. My husband has a quiet strength about him. He is very much like my Dad. He has the strength to carry me wh...

  The day is grey and rainy, not conducive to an upbeat and positive attitude.  I know it's going to be a long day when Mom wakes up not sure where she is and asking if I have been here all night.  Perhaps it is the inclement weather that is affecting her too, but she is feeling very lonely and questioning her move to Florida, and everything else.  Sometimes, the repitition is easy to manage. Sometimes it is not. Today, not so much.  We are rehashing over and over and over - the strokes, the fractured hip, HER decision to make the move. My heart and mind understand that she does not remember, not to take things personally, but dammit, sometimes it is difficult.  Several times in recent months she has commented that I lie.  I can tell by her looks that she is not believing what I tell her and the 'bullshit!' comment is also a very good indication.  Did she sign anything? No. Was she aware of her decision? Yes. What were her options? Move here or ha...

  Today is a bad day.  Have you ever felt a loss for something you never had?  A paralyzing sadness has washed over me. There are things I should be doing, and yet all I can do is sit. Perhaps writing will help alleviate the melancholy.  We have plans to go away for a week. My youngest sister, Karen, will be here to care for Mom.  Mom has had a rough couple of days due to an infection/medication. Last night she was up several times, so today is she a bit confused and sleepy.  As much as I need this getaway, I am concerned that caring for Mom alone may be a bit overwhelming for my sister.  Though I do most of her personal care, Terry is here in the evening to cook dinner, clean up, and provide emotional support.  Mom has been asking if I think Karen can handle everything. Mom is concerned about her 'baby' doing some of the things I do.  Karen has spoken with Mom, I have spoken with Mom to console her and let her know everything will be okay. N...

We have decided to create a memory book of Mom’s life. She is 90 years old now and retention of current events is dwindling, however, she remembers her past quite well.  We asked family to submit questions. I then video Mom's responses. One of the questions this morning was 'what is your favorite memory of your dad, our grandfather'.  My grandfather was tragically killed in a coal mining accident when Mom was a senior in high school - 1947, 73 years ago.  Her response was so poignant - so much emotion, as if he had passed away yesterday. I had to stop recording for her to regain composure. Again, it made me realize that she may not remember her pills, or if she had breakfast, but she certainly remembers what happened 73 years ago.  Today's events are distant, but yesteryear's happenings are very real. How blessed am I to be the one recording such precious and cherished memories. 

  Forget Donald Trump and Joe Biden. That debate doesn't hold a candle to the debates in our home -  Terry vs Kristina, with Carmella as moderator 😄 Makes for very lively 'discussions'. On one side is Terry, my dearest love.  He does NOT like Trump, thinks he is evil and dumb. I tell him over and over this is not the case.  Evil is a very strong word, and like him or not, Donald Trump is not dumb.  According to Terry, the President has done nothing for the country - at all. Well, correction, he has caused divisivness, hatred, and anything else bad happening in the world.  'Tis very frustrating.  On the other side is me.  I do NOT like Biden. I think he is dumb and useless. And Terry cannot argue those points.  He will vote for a simpleton (harsh, I know) just to NOT vote for Trump.  I am not enamoured with our President - far from it.  He irritates the hell out of me at times, and I think he often has diaharea of the mouth. He spea...

  . ..comes to me, speaking words of wisdom. We all know the song, do we not?  "Let It Be' by the Beatles.  And now you'll be singing it all day. You're welcome 😅   Part of our daily routine is to go for a walk. Mom has an electric scooter, which allows her to go further and faster, and a wheelchair.  More often than not we take the wheelchair to give Mom the option of walking or riding.  Our walk takes us through the woods, around ponds, and we get to see much of God's beauty and nature.  As we go along, I play music and Mom sings along, or waves her hands in the air like a conductor - we often wonder what people must think as they pass by.  But we don't care. Mom is enjoying herself and having fun.   My last blog mentioned how I sometimes feel guilty about the little deceptions that occur to maintain my sanity.  Two words I now choose NOT to use on our walks - glorious and mother nature.  Why?  When 'glorious' is m...

  And it has nothing to do with lions, tigers, and bears. Mom is not Dorothy, and we are definitely not over the rainbow in Oz, or in Kansas for that matter. 😅 Oh My! is Mom's new catch phrase.  When she sees her morning pills, 'oh my! these are all mine?' Every. Single. Morning. And same for her evening pills, 'oh my! all these?' When she gets her breakfast, lunch, and dinner - no matter how small the serving size, 'oh my! what a feast!'. Every night she has ice cream for a snack. The same portion, the same vanilla ice cream. 'Oh my!  All this?! What a treat!'.  God bless her. 💖  We just smile and answer as if it's the first time we've heard the question.  We are aware how fortunate we are. Mom could react much differently. She could refuse to take her meds, she could refuse to eat, and she could complain that she gets the same old, boring, vanilla ice cream every night (sorry, my love!). But it's all new to her. Every time we go to th...

  Life is full of changes and surprises. Some are good and expected, others shock the hell out of us and rock our world.  December 2019 changed my world.  Let me backtrack a bit to give some history.  In 2008, my husband and I made the move from Maryland to Florida, leaving most of our family behind, including my parents.  Dad's health was not great, but we knew I could travel back and forth when needed.  I did so until his death in January 2011.  Mom's health was pretty good. And living in Florida, there wasn't much I could do except email every morning and call every night. In 2019, I noticed in our evening phone calls she was sometimes forgetful or sounded disoriented so I began to make regular visits.  Terry and I invited Mom to move to Florida and live with us. She accepted. September 2019, Mom suffered two mild strokes followed by a fall in October (fractured hip). The time in hospital and rehab took a toll, both physically and mentally, and...