Wednesday, October 1, 2014
I awoke this morning with thoughts running through my head, which isn't unusual - seems my head is constantly full of many thoughts - some deep, some mundane; some I share, some I don't. Today I will share.
Much has happened in our family in the past five years. And I've realized that since 2009, there has been a constant sadness in my life, a melancholy that has planted itself deep within. Sure, there have been moments of happiness, days of happiness, but the melancholy always seeps back in; it never seems to quite disappear.
Back to my thoughts of this morning. When someone, or something, we love dies, we feel as though we cannot go on. We wonder how life will continue. We believe that life can't possibly continue. And yet it does. Somehow life goes on. Babies are born, marriages occur, children move away and start lives of their own. We get up day after day and go through the motions of every day life. Yes, life does go on.
In perusing my old journals, dating as far back as 1973 (I was 14!), I clearly see how everything happens for a purpose. While in the midst of heartache, we don't always see the big picture; we don't understand why things happen. Oh, I was such a fool in so many ways and cannot believe I did some of the things I did - chasing after men who were losers; giving my heart away time after time only to have it smashed in pieces. And yet, I loved and loved deeply. Sometimes the clown, but always true, always real. And life always went on.
Through the sexual abuse of my nieces and the subsequent trials; to a dear friend's futile battle with melanoma; to the death of my beloved father and the sudden loss of my brother-in-law; to watching my sister, nieces and nephew progress through their grief - life does go on. It's as the song says "In the circle of life, it's the wheel of fortune, it's the leap of faith, it's the band of hope. Till we find our place, on the path unwinding in the circle , the circle of life".