Wednesday, June 30, 2010

On-line World

The preparations for going home are always exciting.  The biggest issue for me is 'Do I take my laptop or not?' I decided This time to leave it home and have realized I am quite addicted to the thing, to Facebook, to email, and to my poetry sites.  It kills me not to have free access!  Yes, I do have sporadic use of my brother's computer (and this is being typed on my mother's while she is fast asleep); I am refraining from constant use, but oh, how it hurts! lol  I wonder what I am missing, what's happening without my presence; how many notifications I will have, how many friend requests, who is beating me in Bejeweled or Mahjong Dimensions...I wonder how many emails are piling up or how many people have read my poems.  I imagine this huge backlog that will take forever to peruse.  I log on with anticipation only to find I am not quite the poetic genius I thought, nor the most popular on Facebook.  I am learning that sometimes not much happens when I am gone...so let it go, let it go.

I had very good intentions when I left Florida - no computer, spend quality time with family; but when I find myself alone, with time on my hands, I crave the internet world.  Alas, I am addicted.  Good or bad, I love my on-line world.  Ahhh.........

Friday, June 18, 2010

Family

I'm sitting here, just chilling out, relaxing, listening to a gentle thunder - hoping it will rain - our flowers/plants desperately need the water.  For three days now the sky has blackened, thunder has boomed, and then it passes right over...I'm relaxing because tomorrow we have a long, arduous drive...heading back to Baltimore for my nephew's wedding.

Where did the time go?  I remember when he was just a little baby - when my sister and her husband packed up and moved to Yakima, Washington.   I remember being at the airport saying our goodbyes, and he was just months old...he was the cutest baby!  He came out cute...he was the first baby that I ever truly said was beautiful!  And he still is.  He has become a handsome young man, responsible, and he has found the woman he wants to share his life with.  I have not met her; am looking forward to doing so...my sister loves her, so that's a good sign!  But I don't feel that much older.  I know I am, but I still feel so young at heart, so youthful; except, of course when I hear the music of today, when I hear the 'language' of today, when I see the fashions of today...ouch!  I then realize I AM OLD!

Going home is a good thing this time.  Much has transpired during the past year.  Much anger, much sadness, much pain, and many, many tears.  But God is faithful to those who love Him, and He, and time, heals all wounds.  Family is family is family.  Can't get away from them no matter how hard you try.  No matter how bad things get, family is blood and reconciliation will always happen.  Perhaps it will take a few days, perhaps weeks, perhaps years or even decades, but it will happen.

I love my family.  Yes, I picked up and moved away, but going home feels wonderful.  I am actually very excited to see my sisters and brothers and parents and nieces and nephews; to be there for my big sister on this very special day of her life.  Not long ago, I hurt her deeply - whether intentional or not, doesn't matter.  She was hurt and I missed something very dear to her. No more I say!  Life is too short to hold on to 'stuff'.  That's all it is - STUFF!  Let the anger go, let the hurt feelings go, let the negative fade away and embrace only the good and the positive.  Cherish the family you have because it's the only one you got.  You can pick your friends, but you can't pick your family...for better, for worse, they are there.

It is family that will see you through the rough times.  It is family that will call you on your shit, on your shenanigans.  It is family that will support you, even though they don't agree with your life choices...get my point...it is family that will be there. Always.  Ain't no two ways about it.  And I'm driving 13 hours to see my wonderful, loving, crazy, mixed up family.  What family doesn't have issues?  What family doesn't have drama?  Okay, some families have more than others, and my family can be a bit dramatic...but they are mine!
I wouldn't trade them for the world. 

Only one thing saddens me:  knowing I have to leave my babies behind.  Yesterday was quite a traumatic day for Miss Marplestein and Dulcinea...they had to endure a flea dip, and then we isolated them in the other side of the house while we sprayed the house with flea spray.  Both were exhausted last night - just layed around and stayed close to us.  Today hasn't been much different.  However, they did get up and move into my husband's armoir, and then into the suitcase - I guess to keep us from leaving.  They will be well cared for while we are gone, but I will miss them so.  I will miss holding them at night, I will miss singing to them, talking to them and being Mommy...they are the most adorable cats in the whole wide world, and they are my family, my babies.

I will not be taking my laptop with me.  I find when it's with me, it becomes too much a part of me. I spend too much time on my poetry sites, or facebook...interacting with laptop, instead of family.  It stays home this time. I'll suffer withdrawls, but I'll survive, I'm sure.

So, as I sit here waiting for the rain, my spirit is high with anticipation and love...for I will soon see all my beloveds...and I simply cannot wait!

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Life Feels Better

Sometimes life throws a curve ball that knock us off our feet. Sometimes we get up right away, wipe the dust off and continue on.  Other times, it's not so easy.  Sometimes the curve ball hits us hard and knocks our breath out, making it difficult to move, to think, to feel.  And yet, life goes on.  Eventually, we do manage to breathe again, to feel again...to realize that there is light at the end of the tunnel...life does go on and the heart does heal.  And today, for me, life sure feels better.

Life Feels Better

Life seems better than before,
every day the sun shines more;
past is past, best to ignore,
think of peace and sweet rapport.
Just step outside, go explore,
find the beauty, I implore!
See the mountains, or the shore,
watch a lone bird float and soar;
sunrise, sunset ~ stop, adore;
Everywhere such gifts galore...
Oh yes, life feels much better than before!

  Copyright © Kristina M. Hooper  
             14 June 2010
(this poem is a monorhyme; each line has seven syllables and ends with the same rhyme)

Friday, June 11, 2010

Natural Highlights

So, today, I have an appointment to get my hair cut and colored.  We have a wedding to attend at the end of the month and I want to look my best.  And to me, that's an alarm to get the hair cut and the gray covered up.  Yes, I admit, I have gray hair...see photo on left - the 'colorful' sides'!

I keep thinking that I am going to be 'natural'...no more coloring...let the gray come...after all, I am in my 50s now - why not?  Yet, when I see the gray coming I almost start to panic and know it's only a matter of time before I hit the salon, or the box.  Why?  Why is it that men can turn gray and it looks 'distinguished' or sexy?  What's up with that?  But a woman turns gray and we think we look old and, well, haggard.  Why the double standard?  Of course, I think women put more pressure on themselves - our men probably would say we are beautiful, regardless of hair color.  My husband would tell me not to worry.

In fact, on our first date my husband commented on my gray.  We were in a romantic setting, in a canoe, rowing downstream, reminiscing about our childhood/families, when he said 'I like your gray hair'...I was stunned and quickly responded 'what gray hair, they are highlights!'  And at that time, 14 years ago, it was highlights - no gray then.  But even now he tells me he doesn't mind the gray...how sweet he is.

But this afternoon, I'll look like a new person - nicely colored and highlighted - no gray!(see below)

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Reflections

Recently, I had the opportunity to spend some time with two of my nieces.  They were attending a conference in Orlando and I drove up and spent the night with them.  We had a lovely sushi dinner, then talked till 2:30 in the morning ~ about life, love, memories, etc.  It was a wonderful, wonderful evening.

During the evening I shared some of my past with them.  I wanted them to know that we all make mistakes, that love isn't everything when it comes to relationships, how important self-knowledge is.  Oh yeah, I was the wise aunt.  Then I got home and started thinking - did I share too much?  Perhaps what I shared was a little TMI (too much information)?  Perhaps they had a vision of their aunt that I had now destroyed.  So I emailed them with my concerns and was happy to hear nothing was further from the truth.

They were both happy to hear of my stories, my lost loves, my experiences...they both felt closer to me for sharing, and felt they were not alone.  And much to my amazement, I was told that it made me more real, that I had the image of being a bit 'holier than thou' about certain things.  What?  Me?  I never would have thought that about myself.  I am far from perfect, with many faults.  I do have strong opinions and I'm not afraid to express them; perhaps some people don't like to hear what I have to say.  But on further reflection, I can see where some would think me 'holier than thou'.  It's all in perception. 

Perception.  Something I've been thinking much about...it can be the cause of much misunderstanding.  In this day and age, all the newfangled ways of communicating - though easier - can lead to hurt feelings and bad thoughts.  Sure, it's easier to blog, or facebook, or twitter, or even the old-fashioned email - but what I write can be so misunderstood.  I know what my intentions are, but can the person who reads my words know what inflection I intended?  Can they know when I'm chuckling?  No.  Same goes for me when I read an email...I can add my own emotion to the words I read; interpret the words completely different than what was intended.  Why not just pick up the phone and talk?

What I do know is this:  for those I love, nothing could make me stop loving them.  Nothing.  I may not agree with what they do, a certain lifestyle, certain language, but we are each individuals.  Things I do or say may not be met with acceptance, but I am me.  I'm okay, you're okay.  And more than anything, instead of voicing my strong opinions all the time, perhaps I should just be quiet and listen; and voice my love and acceptance more often.