Friday, December 31, 2010

Daddy

After much deliberation and soul searching, my father has decided to stop his dialysis treatments.  He started hospice care Wednesday evening (12/29/10), at home.  He is home, where he has longed to be for seven long, torturous weeks.  He is home with the love of his life.  He is home, surrounded by his family, surrounded by love.

It is all too surreal.  My mind knows he is home to die, and it won't be long.  But my heart looks at him, sees him and thinks 'he's just sick, he'll get better'.  This time, there is no better - only when he leaves this life to join his Mom and Dad, his Grammy, in eternal life.

How do you say goodbye to someone who has been a part of your life forever?  How do you say goodbye to the one person you trust beyond all measure, the one person who makes you feel so special and loved?  How do you say goodbye to such a holy, spiritual man who was a devoted husband for 59 years; and a dedicated and loving father?  Who served his Lord with all his heart, mind, and soul?

I know he is at peace with his decision, as is the entire family.  But last night, sitting by his bed, I couldn't help but think I wanted to change my mind; I don't want him to go, I want him to stay.  I want to hear his voice when I call home. I want to hear that laugh, the chuckle.  I want to be held in his arms and told everything will be okay.

How can anyone measure up to Daddy?   When God created my Dad, he threw away the mold .  There isn't anyone in the world like him. Hell, I waited 38 years to find a man like him!  No one gives better bear hugs, no one makes you feel so loved and accepted.  Thought not a perfect man, he is, and always will be, the perfect Dad.  I love you, Daddy and I will miss you forever.  Love, Poopsie

Saturday, December 25, 2010

Christmas Thoughts

So, I'm sitting here in my parent's condo.  It's Christmas morning, but a strange Christmas morning as my Dad is not here, nor is my husband.  This Christmas will be quite different.  I feel a bit of sadness, perhaps melancholy, thinking about past Christmases.

I remember going to midnight mass; the excitement of it all.  We would take a nap, then get up and get dressed - our Christmas best - and head off to church.  The church was so beautiful and peaceful.  And in our hearts was love and excitement, knowing we would soon be going home to a Christmas buffet and the opening of one present. 

Ah, the excitement of waking up Christmas morning, running downstairs to see the presents; the anticipation of what was to come.  My parents didn't have tons of money, but always managed to provide wonderful gifts.  As children though, we didn't always appreciate their efforts.  There was always one child that was gloomy because we didn't get enough presents, or we didn't quite get what we wanted.  Mom and Dad would keep one present behind and give it to the gloomiest.  I remember the year, in my late 20s, when Christmas was just miserable.  I was very unhappy and sad because my life wasn't what I thought it would be...I wanted an Oxford dictionary - a huge dictionary that contains the history of the English language - but I knew it was out of reach, too expensive.  As I sat there after present opening, Dad said he had one more gift for me.  And there was my Oxford dictionary...I couldn't believe it...I still have the dictionary and it remains one of my most special gifts.

One Christmas was all got ice skates!  We went to the 'power lines' to a frozen pond and skated around.  The pond wasn't big, but we thought we were so cool!  I remember waiting for Aunt Marie and Uncle Ed to show up.  They would always bring santa sleighs filled with silver dollars.  We were rich!  And Uncle Ed would bring peppermint ice cream.  To this day, the taste of peppermint ice cream reminds me of my uncle and every Christmas I make sure I have some in my freezer.  And Aunt Marie loved her egg nog; again, every Christmas there is egg nog in my fridge. 

As we got older and my siblings had families, we changed our family tradition and started celebrating on Christmas Eve.  For years and years, every Christmas Eve the family would gather.  We would have a procession to put baby Jesus in the manger ~ the youngest grandchild was the 'chosen one', the one to put Jesus in his bed; we would sing Christmas songs, then end with a grand 'Happy Birthday to you!'...and the celebration would begin - always tons of food, presents and happy smiles.

Traditions change and morph.  Right now my family is in a 'morphing' stage ~ one tradition has died and another hasn't taken root...a new tradition will arise, I have no doubt.  Christmas is about family, and love.  My family loves each other, through all the trials and tribulations, through all the complex relationships that a large family has...yes, I have faith that a new tradition will sprout from this transformational phase.

This holiday season may bring a very great change to my family, one that will change the entire family dynamic.  As I sit here writing, I can't help but wonder what the future will hold.  It is Christmas, the day of Christ's birth, and though I am trying to smile, my heart is heavy.  I miss my Dad, I miss my husband.  This Christmas is a mixture of past, present and future; remembering the past with fondness; thinking of the present, wishing things were different; and pondering the future, the changes that will occur. 

Merry Christmas to all!

Friday, December 10, 2010

Quiet

So, it's a rainy morning.  Get out of bed, have coffee, get on the computer, light the tree and enjoy the quiet morning hour, rain gently falling outside.  A peaceful kind of quiet. Ah.  Then, something changes.  A word spoken out of turn?  Some small act of annoyance?  Who knows.  But the mood changes and it's not so peaceful anymore, but a strained silence.  What happened? 

The tree is still it, the rain is still falling gently outside, and so are my tears.

Sunday, December 5, 2010

Nativity Scene

This Christmas Terry and I will be staying home.  We decided to do a bit more decorating this year since we'll be here to enjoy it the whole season.  We want an outdoor nativity scene.  But can we find one?  We've been to Walmart, K-Mart, Family Dollar, Beall's, Lowe's...just about every place we can think of to look.  We have found Santa, reindeer, penguins; we have found all kinds of inflatable decorations, but no outdoor nativity scenes. 

We have looked on-line, and have found some that cost an arm and leg.  And yes, Lowe's did have one, a bit more expensive than we wanted to spend.  I just find it odd that there are plenty of commercialized items to be found, be very few that speak to the true meaning of Christmas ~ the birth of our Christ.

So, Terry is going to do what he does best and improvise.  He has his mother's heart and talent and is quite the artist ~ and he has a vision.  Somehow we will have our outdoor nativity scene...

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Heart Strings

And so, tomorrow my husband and I will be heading home.  It's been a long time away for both of us and we are eager to get back home, to our home.  I miss my babies.  Yet leaving family and friends is hard, and the heart strings are pulling...

This has been another wild, emotional ride...will there ever be a time we visit when hospitals and sick people aren't involved?  We came up in June for our nephew's wedding and ended up spending most of the time at a hospital, his brother fighting for his life.  This time, there has been sickness, surgeries, accidents, hospital visits - on both sides of the family.  My Dad is still in the hospital and leaving him is rather hard.  Leaving my Mom, alone in her condo, is hard.  Part of me wants to stay longer to ensure Dad is okay; to keep Mom company so she's not alone, but I know both will be well cared for by my siblings.  Even so, the heart strings pull.

I wasn't planning to be up here for three and half weeks.  And yes, Miss Marplestein and Dulcinea are 'just' cats, but I miss them so much.  They are so tactile - so love to be touched.  Do they miss our touch when we're gone?  Do they even care that we're gone?  I'd like to think so.  I know Billy is taking good care of them, he always does, but he isn't Mommy or Daddy...I want to sit on my couch, with my babies around me...ah, just to be home, back to our own routine, our own bed...yes, the heart strings pull.

I was fortunate this time around to have a vehicle.  My sister and brother-in-law, and nephew (though he didn't have much choice!), graciously allowed us to use Matt's car.  I was able to visit many friends, and family; something I haven't done much on recent trips home.  Good friends are hard to come by and I have been blessed with wonderful, dear friendships that I cherish and nurture.  My family?  Much healing has transpired during the last year.  God has been good.  There is nothing more important in life than family and true friends.  I am most fortunate to have so many blessings in my life.  My heart sings with happiness.

So, we will leave tomorrow.  My heart happy and sad at the same time; my heart strings playing like a violin.

Thursday, November 25, 2010

Jar of Hearts

The lyrics to this song are quite powerful.  Christina Perri sings the song, and most likely it is written for a romantic/love relationship.  And yet my niece said it rather reminds her of her Dad.  How sad is it, that a daughter would feel these words, emotions, towards her father...I listened to the song and ended up in tears.  

And I wonder if he has any clue what he has lost?  The great love he threw away from two of the most precious gifts he ever possessed.  No, a man with 'ice in his soul' wouldn't realize such a thing because he thinks only of himself, loves only himself.  Thing is, my nieces are not his ghosts anymore, they are alive and thriving and moving on, despite the hurt and betrayal, despite his lies.  Thankfully, they 'have grown too strong to ever fall back into his arms'.  Who does he think he is?  

My thought was to write a Thanksgiving piece (since today is the day for giving thanks) and to write about this latest, wild, trip to Maryland...but I logged onto Facebook first, saw my niece's post re this song.  Bam!  I knew I had to write more.  Perhaps tomorrow I will write about trivial things. 

Jar of Hearts

I know I can't take one more step towards you
Cause all that's waiting is regret
And don't you know I'm not your ghost anymore
You lost the love I loved the most

I learned to live half alive
And now you want me one more time

And who do you think you are
Running 'round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You're gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
So don't come back for me
Who do you think you are

I hear you're asking all around
If I am anywhere to be found
But I have grown too strong
To ever fall back in your arms

I learned to live half alive
And now you want me one more time

And who do you think you are
Running 'round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You're gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
So don't come back for me
Who do you think you are

And it took so long just to feel alright
Remember how to put back the light in my eyes
I wish I had missed the first time that we kissed
Cause you broke all your promises
And now you're back
You don't get to get me back

And who do you think you are
Running 'round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You're gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
So don't come back for me
Don't come back at all

And who do you think you are
Running 'round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You're gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
Don't come back for me
Don't come back at all

Who do you think you are?
Who do you think you are?
Who do you think you are?
 
http://youtu.be/8v_4O44sfjM 

Thursday, October 14, 2010

The Great Huntresses

'Do you see it?  Where did it go?'

I don't see it, but they know it's there!

I think Dulcinea was getting bored
Many of you know that I have two precious babies:  Miss Marplestein and Dulcinea.  Yes, they are cats, but they are very precious to me.  They show me love, and attitude, all the time!

Last night, I saw Miss Marplestein reaching under the CD tower.  She looked at me with a dust bunny hanging off her whiskers, so I knew she was after something.  I looked and saw nothing.  Next thing I know, her sister, Dulcinea, is joining her in the search.  They were trying to get behind the tower, under the tower, behind the bookcase...this went on for some time.  Then they stopped and posted watch.  They sat in front of the tower for hours.  Literally.  They didn't move.  Eventually I went into the bedroom.  I came out to check on them, to tell them that I didn't think anything was there, or if it was, it was under the bookcase, but they were zonked out.  Miss M was on the back of the sofa, spread out; and Dulcinea was on her back, on the floor, stretched out.  It was just too adorable!  Of course, as soon as I got the camera to photograph this precious moment, they woke up and ran towards me.  Great photo-op missed!


Just now, going out to get mail, there was a dead something in the middle of the foyer - whatever it was, it was missing it's tail but it did have a dust bunny attached.  Could this have been the perpetrator?  All I know is that my babies are sweet as can be, but they can be the mean huntress when they have to be.  They are protecting Mommy, and I so appreciate their thoughtfulness!

Sunday, October 10, 2010

My So Called Life

How many of us know someone who is involved in an abusive relationship?  Whether it's physical, mental, or spiritual, the abuser keeps a strong hold on his victim.  And how many times have we heard that someone tried to get a restraining order, but the justice system failed to follow through and the victim ends up dead?  I have someone very dear to my heart who is involved in an abusive relationship; somehow this horrific crime must be stopped and stopped now!


My So Called Life




He speaks of love then turns around
and beats me with his fists;
he shouts out every wrong I do,
imaginary lists.

And every punch and every kick
reminds me I am dirt;
my so called life, a living hell,
my mind too numb to hurt.

My heart aches so, I try to please,
my body, black and blue;
but nothing's ever good enough,
no matter what I do.

With knowledge I am all alone,
and no escaping him;
I find a corner, try to hide,
my piercing screams grow dim.

My inner soul floats high above,
his rage and anger cease;
it matters not, I'm free at last,
poor spirit now at peace.

Copyright © Kristina M. Hooper, 07/23/2010

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

A Good Life

Am I the only one who thinks about death?  Am I odd to wonder what people will say at my funeral, or who will even come to pay their respects?  Is it strange to consider the impact my life has on those I love?  Am I bizarre to think I am just a blip in people's lives?

I'm not morbid, not normally.  But today I am reflective and pondering on 'the good life'.  What makes a good life?  Is it fame and fortune, material possessions?  Is it how many friends you have on facebook, or how many people you text every day?  I think not.

I sometimes feel that I am inconsequential, mediocre; that I haven't accomplished much in my life.  I haven't written the novel that's been in my mind for 30 years.  I haven't invented any great gadget to enrich people's lives.  What have I done?  My husband once said 'who decides what a good life is?'  He said that perhaps being a good and loving wife, or a kind and loyal daughter, or a goofy aunt who loves her nieces and nephews, a trustworthy and dependable employee... he said that perhaps all that is what makes a good life.  And I would like to believe him, but it seems too easy.  It seems I am missing something. 

Or maybe I'm not missing anything at all, and the life I have is the best life ~ a very good life indeed?

Saturday, September 25, 2010

Vegas

'What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas'...NOT!  Not anymore you POS.  The secret is out and no matter what the verdict in court was, you are guilty as sin.  The girls know, their family knows, the lawyers know, the neighbors know, YOU know, and most importantly GOD knows.  It will come back to you.

I am still trying to get my head around the verdict, but I am in a much better place than I was Monday.  Sure, I can drive myself crazy thinking about it - the how's, the why's, etc.  But the plain truth is, we will never fully know why the verdict came down as it did.  I have to wonder if the verdict was a gift from God for the girls - can you imagine the burden they would carry knowing their testimony put their father in jail?  Perhaps someone else, something else, will come along and he'll land in jail, right where he is supposed to be, but it won't be on the girls' shoulders. 

All I know is there is a reason why things happened as they did.  That's it.  Plain and simple.  There is a reason and somewhere down the road, in the not so distant future, we will understand it all.

But really ~ what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas - hell no!  Your secret is out and shouted from the rooftops!

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Truth and Justice?

What a load of crap.

We have truth on our side, but where is the justice?  I am still trying to wrap my brain around the fact that this man was found not guilty of all his crimes.  That he was free to walk out of that court room and to continue to live his life as if nothing has happened.  May he rot.

I've heard all the platitudes:  'God works in mysterious ways'; 'Karma is a bitch'; 'He's already lost everything'; 'He will get his somewhere down the road', etc.  The only one I agree with, somewhat, is 'The girls have already won'.  Yes, they have.  They faced their abuser and exposed the ugly secret, exposed him for the monster he is.  They can move on and live their life.  They are free.  But how sweet it would have been to know that others believed them, validated their story?

We'll never know why he was found not guilty.  The only explanation can be 'reasonable doubt'.  Or someone got to the jury, which wouldn't surprise me.  Everything I thought has been tossed out the window.  I thought our witnesses were stronger (from what I heard from others in the courtroom); the defense witnesses were weak; the SA did a great job in poking holes in the defenses 'reasonable doubt' presentation; that truth and goodness would win over lies and evilness.  And now I am left trying to fathom, trying to make sense of it all.

I feel as though I am in a bad dream, that someone is going to call and say 'just kidding!'...I keep going over and over in my mind the scenarios...it doesn't matter.  I will never understand.  I thought I would be okay with whatever the outcome, but I am not.  I am angry, sad, confused, dismayed.  What faith I had in the our justice system is null and void.  This is truly a travesty of justice.

I am happy the girls feel they have won.  They are strong, and brave, and courageous.  They can put this behind them now and move forward....he doesn't have any hold on them, for the secret is out.  I am happy for them.  I only wish truth and justice had been served: my nieces, my entire family, all our supporters, know that it was not.  His lawyer knows that justice was not served ~ this man defends child molesters for a living; he knows when a story is true or not...there is no way he can say those girls were lying.  What a sad, horrible man to defend such people.  I hope he rots.

We will never know the reasons why.  I know I must move forward, as my brave nieces and sister are doing.  It is what it is, right?  Truth and justice.  What a load of crap.

Friday, September 10, 2010

Trial

Well, it's almost time for the trial to start.  I leave tomorrow ~ will I get a call today, this evening, saying it has been postponed once again?  Considering it's 4:15, I think not, but one never knows.  And we were told that there will be no more postponements...but again, one never knows.

What a great feeling it will be to finally have this behind us.  It will be a huge relief to me. I can't even begin to imagine how my sister and nieces are feeling.  This had dragged on now for over a year.  And what will the outcome be?  Will justice be served for my nieces?  Is he going to pay for the crimes he committed against them?  All sorts of thoughts and questions are racing through my mind, making it pretty difficult to actually think even one sane thought.  Will he take a plea at the last minute?  Will he finally realize what he's putting his daughters through and wake up, save them from testifying against him?  Will he drop the arrogance and ask their forgiveness, or will he still maintain his innocence and the smug demeanor he possesses?

Only God knows what is going to happen.  We can only wait and see.  I ask that God be with all of us next week; that the angels will surround us and the court room; that He will give wisdom and truth to both the judge and the jury.  We wait.  We see.

Monday, August 30, 2010

Laundry

...or should I say dirty laundry?

For 13 years, I have wanted my shirts hung up after washing - I don't like to put them in the dryer.  Is it such an insurmountable problem that my husband just can't seem to get his head around?  God bless him for doing the laundry...but when I start to fold and there is not one, not two, not three, but four of my shirts - all dried in the dryer, I just want to ring his neck?! 

I have started doing the laundry.  I most often do.  But today I had to service a new store, and when I got home I was pooped - my feet ached (didn't wear proper shoes!) and my back ached.  He had done the dishes, the trash, had lunch ready for me, removed the dead battery from the car, and laundry...how could I possibly be upset?  But I asked him...'after 13 years of marriage, why don't you know NOT to put my shirts in the dryer?'...and you know what the answer was 'I do know; don't know why I do it'.  ?????

I believe the issue is, he doesn't understand why I don't want my shirts in the dryer, and therefore, since he doesn't understand, it simply doesn't make sense.  As if I need to explain to him - for only the millionth time. Argghhh!  I guess these 'issues' are what makes marriage so doggone wonderful!

Here's to dirty laundry!

Friday, August 27, 2010

Labor of Love

Remember Jim Croce's song?  'Photographs and memories...all that I have are these to remember you'...what a song, what a singer!

I have finally begun the huge task of sorting through family photographs - we're talking years of photos.  I will sort and scan, and digitize the photos.  What a joy it's been sorting through - pictures of my nieces and nephews when they were little; pictures of my siblings when we were teenagers, and younger.  They bring back such memories ~ some good, some bad ~ but all filled with love.  I even found a photograph of my Dad with his parents!  The first picture I've ever seen with the three of them together...what a gift that find was to me as I never knew my grandparents.

Luckily, I still have more than the photographs and memories - I still have my parents, my siblings, my entire family in my life.  But the joy of going through these photos...the laughter, the tears...great memories to cherish!

Certainly not a chore, but a labor of love.

Monday, August 9, 2010

Sore Loser

So, the time with my nieces is coming to a close.  They will depart here next Tuesday.  Am I ready for them to go?  Yes, and no.  It's been wonderful having them here, having so much girl time; sharing, laughing, watching movies, going to the beach, etc.  And playing cards.  Wow.  Have we been playing cards.  I am proud to say that I am still the champ in Spit, Pounce, and 500 Rummy - but Phase 10 and Uno?  Um, not so much.  Yes, both the girls have beat me once or twice in all the games, but they have creamed me in Phase 10 and Uno.  And all those childhood feelings of losing have come flooding back!  Yeah, I don't like to lose.  I thought perhaps I had outgrown that silly notion - but no, it is still inherent in my being.  My body tenses, I get angry, and very frustrated...as I told the girls one day 'I am not mad, mad, just mad and frustrated!'...they loved it!  It is safe to say that my nieces have seen a whole different side to their Auntie and they have heard her curse more than ever...I would like to say that my reactions stem from the fact that I am sorely missing my husband, but if truth be told, I am just a sore loser.  Always have been, always will be!

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

My Favorite Things

Someone posted this on my poetry website - I just had to share it with all of you!  It is a classic!  Enjoy!


Julie Andrews made a special appearance
At Manhattan’s Radio City Music Hall
for the benefit of the AARP.
She sang “My Favorite Things” from
the legendary movie “Sound of Music.”
These are the actual lyrics she used:


“My Favorite Things”
***
Julie Andrews made a special appearance
At Manhattan’s Radio City Music Hall
for the benefit of the AARP.
She sang “My Favorite Things” from
the legendary movie “Sound of Music.”
These are the actual lyrics she used:

Maalox and nose drops and
 needles for knitting.
Walkers and handrails and
New dental fittings,
Bundles of magazines tied up in string.
These are a few of my favorite things.
Cadillac’s and cataracts and
 hearing aids and glasses,
Polident and Fixodent and
False teeth in glasses,
Pacemakers, golf carts and
Porches with swings,
These are a few of my favorite things…
When the pipes leak
 When the bones creak,
When the knees go bad,
  I simply remember my favorite things,
And I don’t feel so bad.
Hot  tea and crumpets and
 corn pads for bunions,
no spicy hot food or food
cooked with onions,
Bathrobes and heating pads
And hot meals they bring.
These are a few of my favorite things;
Back pain, confused brains and
No deed for sinning’,
Thin bones and factures and
hair that is thinning’ and
we won’t mention our short.
Shrunken frames,
When we remember our favorite things,
When the joints ache,
When the hips break,
When the eyes grow dim,
Then  I remember the great life I’ve had
And then I don’t feel so bad.

Author unknown

Saturday, July 31, 2010

To My Sister, Kate

Happy Birthday, Queer! (Sister McGee)

My sister, my life long friend…You have been with me the longest, through thick and thin, tears and laughter, sorrow and joy.  For 50 years we have shared our lives: from small children playing make believe games, to teenagers sharing crushes and loves, to adults, married with husbands and families.

You, Kate, are amazing.  I don’t believe you realize the impact you have on the lives that surround you ~ how lost we would be without you in our lives.  You have the love and devotion of a man who has been smitten with you fro 21 years.  Your children love and adore you, as do their friends ~ you are the cool Mom!  As for me, I simply love you beyond words for the quirky, smart, loving, warm, funny individual you are ~ my sister and forever friend.  True dat!

Never doubt your place in life or our family.  Never doubt your specialness.  Never wonder if you are loved or cherished.  For you are, far more than you will ever realize or know. 

On this day, in the 50th year of your life, know this:  This sister loves you tons.  The memories I have stored over the years still make me smile: playing crippled children in our purple, plaid jackets; wearing our leggings, the ones the leaves stuck to all the time…; playing jungle in the woods, or girl scout trails.  I remember our grand Europe tour as if it were yesterday ~ Halib and the ‘catedrals’; you walking around Europe in skirts and heels, as if you belonged there.  I remember you meeting John and falling in love ~ the beautiful bride you were ~ and I remember the birth of each of my nieces, and nephew ~ remember how you held each one with love and pride.  I remember the pain you suffered as you dealt with your past.  And look at you now!  A woman who rocks!

Happy 50th birthday sister!  You are the queerest of the queer and I love you with all my heart!  Have a most wonderful time and bask in all the love that is surrounding you tonight.  I may not be there in body, but my spirit and thoughts are with you in spades!  Shine! Shine! Shine! As only you can!
    Karate, Jerry, Karate!

                    All my love and devotion,
                        Krissy
                        (Sister Magoo)

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Letter to My Love


I miss your presence ~ miss your smile, your laugh, all that is you.  I miss the way you pour my coffee in the morning and the way you take out the trash.  
I miss your 'I love you'; I miss your kisses. 
And deep in the night I miss the nearness of you, the comfort of your touch, your breath, your snores ~ all those things that let me know you are there, with me, beside me, protecting me from harm.
Every day activities just aren't the same without you. How many thoughts come to mind, wanting to share with you, but not having you near enough to hear.
I miss your presence, your essence ~ all that is you.
I love you.  Return to me soon, my love.

Sunday, July 18, 2010

A Poet's Heart

I live to write, and write to live,
my soul within does yearn;
yet many fail to understand,
the passion and the burn.

To write emotions honestly,
remorse, distress, desire;
such ramblings of a poet's heart,
that stem from burning fire.

Say what you will, call me insane,
or call me quite absurd;
I listen not, for they don't know
the power of the word.

No one can truly comprehend,
the essence of my drive;
the urgency to pen sweet words,
in order to survive.

I write to live, and live to write,
each word, necessity;
to fuel this flame, my inner core,
hungers for poetry.
 
Copyright Kristina M. Hooper, 7/18/10
 

 
 

Friday, July 16, 2010

Instant Family

As many of you know, my husband and I were not blessed with children.  I have often wondered what it would be like, what our life would have been like if we had had Little Jack or Little Mella.  I'm finding out now.

Two of my nieces are staying with us for the summer.  And when I say 'us', I mean me, myself, and I.  My dear husband had to leave to help family in another state, and I am now left with an 18 year old, and a 13 year old.  It is quite interesting, to say the least.

May I say first and foremost that I can now appreciate my sisters much, much, more...raising children is not easy, this I have learned.  And let me remind you, my husband and I live alone.  As much as I call my kitties 'my babies', they are nothing like real children, as I am finding out (okay, okay, I already knew this, but...)

I love my nieces with all my heart and I am having a great time...but I am used to quiet - you know, that thing where only me and husband are in the house - no TV, no music, just us.  Yeah, well, that doesn't happen too much now.  And one or the other is always by my side...touching me, telling me they love me, hugging me.  Again, I love it - because the one thing I miss here in Florida is the hugginess of my family...I am soaking up all the hugs I can get and storing them for future need.  I now know what it likes to take children somewhere, drop them off, and wonder if they are okay.  I am going to leave my house tonight, around 9:30, to pick them up from a movie.  Do you know when the last time I left my house at 9:30???  Probably during my 30's ~ my wild, party days when the night didn't start till 10:00/10:30.  Nowadays, I am quite ready for bed, and most night IN BED by 8:00!

We went to the beach today.  They went off in the water and I could not see them.  I searched and I searched, but could not see them...so yes, I got up and walked the beach to find them.  Of course, they did not know I did this, and they did not see me checking on them;  I knew they were fine because the lifeguards had not moved, no whistles were blown, but I need to see for myself where they were.

It's a new experience for me; wondering if I'm making the right decisions, thinking of others first; but I sure am loving this instant family! Better sign off now, so I won't be late!

Thursday, July 8, 2010

Faith

Most of my life I have been surrounded by a strong faith.  I was raised as a Roman Catholic, going to church every day, and receiving the sacraments: first holy communion, confession, and confirmation, even holy matrimony (in much later years, of course).  When I was 10, my parents became involved with the Catholic Charismatic Renewal; my life was forever changed.

My parents began having weekly prayer meetings in our house.  I attended, but only because there was nothing else to do; we couldn't watch TV, we had to be quiet - so why not sing and pray?  Plus, we were adored by those attending - everyone thought it was so cute to see 'the little children' praying so fervently.  My Dad took to giving us scripture lessons at dinner - boring! He would have us memorize scriptures, sing chants, learn prayers...all this we did with loud groans and embarrassment.  No one else had to endure what we endured.  I remember the lessons my Dad gave on the Our Father and the Creed...he dissected each prayer, line by line - teaching us the meaning and intent, so we would understand what we were praying.  Did we listen?  Yes and no...

As I grew older, I attended church every week.  Not so much because of a strong desire to do so,  but because it was expected ~ mostly out of guilt.  I was in my thirties when I began questioning exactly why I was doing what I was doing.  I decided that it wasn't important to go to Mass every day; but rather, my relationship with God, with Jesus - that was the most important thing.  An excuse? Perhaps. 

I still do not attend church regularly.  I pray daily, I seek God's guidance for my life on a regular basis. I have a strong faith and a deep love for my heavenly Father.  I owe this faith to my parents.  I find that all those lessons, all those chants, all those scripture readings, touched me deeply. A seed was deeply implanted in my heart and soul.  When I do attend church, I find a peace that I find in no other place:  I find myself loving the prayers, and remembering the words of my father, the lessons he so faithfully and lovingly taught us.

My Dad often wonders what God will say to him when he reaches the pearly gates.  Will God be displeased because some of his children have wandered in their faith?  I try to reassure him:  he and Mom did all they could do to teach us, to lead us in the way of the Lord.  Once adults, we each chose our own path.  I believe God will be most pleased with my parents and will say 'job well done!'.

Though many of my siblings and I have chosen different paths, we all have a strong faith.  Even those of us who are lost and wandering the misty flats.  Our parents did good by us; they instructed us, giving us a faith to lean upon through trial and tribulations.  Daddy, rest easy, you planted the seeds deep within.  I am most grateful for your love, wisdom, and most of all, faith.

Wednesday, June 30, 2010

On-line World

The preparations for going home are always exciting.  The biggest issue for me is 'Do I take my laptop or not?' I decided This time to leave it home and have realized I am quite addicted to the thing, to Facebook, to email, and to my poetry sites.  It kills me not to have free access!  Yes, I do have sporadic use of my brother's computer (and this is being typed on my mother's while she is fast asleep); I am refraining from constant use, but oh, how it hurts! lol  I wonder what I am missing, what's happening without my presence; how many notifications I will have, how many friend requests, who is beating me in Bejeweled or Mahjong Dimensions...I wonder how many emails are piling up or how many people have read my poems.  I imagine this huge backlog that will take forever to peruse.  I log on with anticipation only to find I am not quite the poetic genius I thought, nor the most popular on Facebook.  I am learning that sometimes not much happens when I am gone...so let it go, let it go.

I had very good intentions when I left Florida - no computer, spend quality time with family; but when I find myself alone, with time on my hands, I crave the internet world.  Alas, I am addicted.  Good or bad, I love my on-line world.  Ahhh.........

Friday, June 18, 2010

Family

I'm sitting here, just chilling out, relaxing, listening to a gentle thunder - hoping it will rain - our flowers/plants desperately need the water.  For three days now the sky has blackened, thunder has boomed, and then it passes right over...I'm relaxing because tomorrow we have a long, arduous drive...heading back to Baltimore for my nephew's wedding.

Where did the time go?  I remember when he was just a little baby - when my sister and her husband packed up and moved to Yakima, Washington.   I remember being at the airport saying our goodbyes, and he was just months old...he was the cutest baby!  He came out cute...he was the first baby that I ever truly said was beautiful!  And he still is.  He has become a handsome young man, responsible, and he has found the woman he wants to share his life with.  I have not met her; am looking forward to doing so...my sister loves her, so that's a good sign!  But I don't feel that much older.  I know I am, but I still feel so young at heart, so youthful; except, of course when I hear the music of today, when I hear the 'language' of today, when I see the fashions of today...ouch!  I then realize I AM OLD!

Going home is a good thing this time.  Much has transpired during the past year.  Much anger, much sadness, much pain, and many, many tears.  But God is faithful to those who love Him, and He, and time, heals all wounds.  Family is family is family.  Can't get away from them no matter how hard you try.  No matter how bad things get, family is blood and reconciliation will always happen.  Perhaps it will take a few days, perhaps weeks, perhaps years or even decades, but it will happen.

I love my family.  Yes, I picked up and moved away, but going home feels wonderful.  I am actually very excited to see my sisters and brothers and parents and nieces and nephews; to be there for my big sister on this very special day of her life.  Not long ago, I hurt her deeply - whether intentional or not, doesn't matter.  She was hurt and I missed something very dear to her. No more I say!  Life is too short to hold on to 'stuff'.  That's all it is - STUFF!  Let the anger go, let the hurt feelings go, let the negative fade away and embrace only the good and the positive.  Cherish the family you have because it's the only one you got.  You can pick your friends, but you can't pick your family...for better, for worse, they are there.

It is family that will see you through the rough times.  It is family that will call you on your shit, on your shenanigans.  It is family that will support you, even though they don't agree with your life choices...get my point...it is family that will be there. Always.  Ain't no two ways about it.  And I'm driving 13 hours to see my wonderful, loving, crazy, mixed up family.  What family doesn't have issues?  What family doesn't have drama?  Okay, some families have more than others, and my family can be a bit dramatic...but they are mine!
I wouldn't trade them for the world. 

Only one thing saddens me:  knowing I have to leave my babies behind.  Yesterday was quite a traumatic day for Miss Marplestein and Dulcinea...they had to endure a flea dip, and then we isolated them in the other side of the house while we sprayed the house with flea spray.  Both were exhausted last night - just layed around and stayed close to us.  Today hasn't been much different.  However, they did get up and move into my husband's armoir, and then into the suitcase - I guess to keep us from leaving.  They will be well cared for while we are gone, but I will miss them so.  I will miss holding them at night, I will miss singing to them, talking to them and being Mommy...they are the most adorable cats in the whole wide world, and they are my family, my babies.

I will not be taking my laptop with me.  I find when it's with me, it becomes too much a part of me. I spend too much time on my poetry sites, or facebook...interacting with laptop, instead of family.  It stays home this time. I'll suffer withdrawls, but I'll survive, I'm sure.

So, as I sit here waiting for the rain, my spirit is high with anticipation and love...for I will soon see all my beloveds...and I simply cannot wait!

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Life Feels Better

Sometimes life throws a curve ball that knock us off our feet. Sometimes we get up right away, wipe the dust off and continue on.  Other times, it's not so easy.  Sometimes the curve ball hits us hard and knocks our breath out, making it difficult to move, to think, to feel.  And yet, life goes on.  Eventually, we do manage to breathe again, to feel again...to realize that there is light at the end of the tunnel...life does go on and the heart does heal.  And today, for me, life sure feels better.

Life Feels Better

Life seems better than before,
every day the sun shines more;
past is past, best to ignore,
think of peace and sweet rapport.
Just step outside, go explore,
find the beauty, I implore!
See the mountains, or the shore,
watch a lone bird float and soar;
sunrise, sunset ~ stop, adore;
Everywhere such gifts galore...
Oh yes, life feels much better than before!

  Copyright © Kristina M. Hooper  
             14 June 2010
(this poem is a monorhyme; each line has seven syllables and ends with the same rhyme)

Friday, June 11, 2010

Natural Highlights

So, today, I have an appointment to get my hair cut and colored.  We have a wedding to attend at the end of the month and I want to look my best.  And to me, that's an alarm to get the hair cut and the gray covered up.  Yes, I admit, I have gray hair...see photo on left - the 'colorful' sides'!

I keep thinking that I am going to be 'natural'...no more coloring...let the gray come...after all, I am in my 50s now - why not?  Yet, when I see the gray coming I almost start to panic and know it's only a matter of time before I hit the salon, or the box.  Why?  Why is it that men can turn gray and it looks 'distinguished' or sexy?  What's up with that?  But a woman turns gray and we think we look old and, well, haggard.  Why the double standard?  Of course, I think women put more pressure on themselves - our men probably would say we are beautiful, regardless of hair color.  My husband would tell me not to worry.

In fact, on our first date my husband commented on my gray.  We were in a romantic setting, in a canoe, rowing downstream, reminiscing about our childhood/families, when he said 'I like your gray hair'...I was stunned and quickly responded 'what gray hair, they are highlights!'  And at that time, 14 years ago, it was highlights - no gray then.  But even now he tells me he doesn't mind the gray...how sweet he is.

But this afternoon, I'll look like a new person - nicely colored and highlighted - no gray!(see below)

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Reflections

Recently, I had the opportunity to spend some time with two of my nieces.  They were attending a conference in Orlando and I drove up and spent the night with them.  We had a lovely sushi dinner, then talked till 2:30 in the morning ~ about life, love, memories, etc.  It was a wonderful, wonderful evening.

During the evening I shared some of my past with them.  I wanted them to know that we all make mistakes, that love isn't everything when it comes to relationships, how important self-knowledge is.  Oh yeah, I was the wise aunt.  Then I got home and started thinking - did I share too much?  Perhaps what I shared was a little TMI (too much information)?  Perhaps they had a vision of their aunt that I had now destroyed.  So I emailed them with my concerns and was happy to hear nothing was further from the truth.

They were both happy to hear of my stories, my lost loves, my experiences...they both felt closer to me for sharing, and felt they were not alone.  And much to my amazement, I was told that it made me more real, that I had the image of being a bit 'holier than thou' about certain things.  What?  Me?  I never would have thought that about myself.  I am far from perfect, with many faults.  I do have strong opinions and I'm not afraid to express them; perhaps some people don't like to hear what I have to say.  But on further reflection, I can see where some would think me 'holier than thou'.  It's all in perception. 

Perception.  Something I've been thinking much about...it can be the cause of much misunderstanding.  In this day and age, all the newfangled ways of communicating - though easier - can lead to hurt feelings and bad thoughts.  Sure, it's easier to blog, or facebook, or twitter, or even the old-fashioned email - but what I write can be so misunderstood.  I know what my intentions are, but can the person who reads my words know what inflection I intended?  Can they know when I'm chuckling?  No.  Same goes for me when I read an email...I can add my own emotion to the words I read; interpret the words completely different than what was intended.  Why not just pick up the phone and talk?

What I do know is this:  for those I love, nothing could make me stop loving them.  Nothing.  I may not agree with what they do, a certain lifestyle, certain language, but we are each individuals.  Things I do or say may not be met with acceptance, but I am me.  I'm okay, you're okay.  And more than anything, instead of voicing my strong opinions all the time, perhaps I should just be quiet and listen; and voice my love and acceptance more often.

Monday, May 31, 2010

Memorial Day - I Thank You

To those who fought,
and those who died;
for every flag
raised high with pride;

To mother, son,

or widowed bride;
for all the tears
that have been cried;

To those who pushed

all fear aside;
for every soul
life was denied...

I thank you.



Kristina M. Hooper

Copyright © 11/10/2009

Sunday, May 30, 2010

Flags Upon The Graves


I went to visit you today,
the flag upon your grave;
blowing gently in the breeze,
so many, like a wave.


Fallen heroes who fill the earth,
fought proudly and so brave;
I stand here with respect and awe,
for what so many gave.


These soldiers lived through battles past,
the way to glory paved;
for you and me, America,
sweet liberty is saved.


I went to visit you today,
Old Glory, 'pon your grave;
Fifty stars, red, white, and blue ,
home of the free and brave.


Copyright © 05/26/2008 Kristina M. Hooper

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Hallmark Employee

After not working for over a year and half, I must say getting back into the working world is a bit harder than I anticipated.  And I'm not even working full time.  Just this week, I worked Monday and Tuesday mornings - about four and half hours each day...not long, I know, but when I got home I was exhausted!  Now, to be fair to myself, I am on my feet the entire time - that's right, standing and bending - something I am not used to.  But it sure feels good to be out and about.

The job itself is not rocket science.  However, there is definitely more to stocking cards than I ever thought or imagined!  If I have learned anything in these past two weeks it is this:  put cards back where you find them!  Do not put them willy nilly, wherever you want...believe it or not, there is a specific 'pocket' for every card.  I know, because I scan each card to put it in its place. 

Last Thursday I serviced the Publix account.  I straightened, organized, all the Mother's Day Cards.  Saturday, I had to go back to restock, etc. for the last minute rush.  When I arrived at the display I could not believe how messy it was!  It looked as if a tornado had come through the aisle and destroyed everything in site...cards put here, cards put there, envelopes scattered; nothing in its place - nothing at all!  I was supposed to work for an hour, max, and was there for a little over two hours putting things to right.  So yes, I now have a profound respect for cards and how they are displayed.  All this wisdom gained in just two short weeks.

My paycheck will not be much, but I am looking forward to that first check in the mail.  There is a sense of pride knowing I am helping, even in a small way, with our finances.  Will it enable us to vacation?  Probably not.  Will it pay for our new refrigerator?  Nope, no way.  But it will allow us to enjoy little things - a dinner out, a movie - like the new Robin Hood flick coming out on Friday...but that's another blog, for another time.

All in all, I like my status as a Hallmark employee.  The job fits my life ~ who could ask for more?

Sunday, May 9, 2010

Mother's Day

Today is the day set aside to honor all mothers.  It is the day we call to mind that woman who raised us, who sacrificed for us, who kissed our booboos and made us feel better.  As I grow older, I realize how much my own Mom sacrificed for me and my six siblings...I am amazed at how much she did, every day, and how much she continues to do now.  She is a role model for what a wife and mother should be.  Is she perfect?  Hell no, but she would do anything for her children and she loves us all unconditionally.  I love her and am proud to call her Mom.  I cherish every day I have with her.

But this day is bittersweet for me.  I am happy for my sisters, my friends, my family...to all those who have this day to celebrate.  I only wish I could celebrate as a mother.  For as long as I remember, my dream was to be a Mommy -I wanted lots of children.  As I got older, I knew the 'many' wouldn't happen, but I truly believed I would have at least one or two, twins perhaps.  It never happened.  My husband and I married late, and we were never able to conceive.  I have come to terms with my barren uterus.  I have come to terms that I will never have a child call me 'Mommy' and look at me with unconditional love.  Yet, there are days, such as today, when sadness overwhelms me.  Or when I see a commercial of a mother and child, my heart still aches. I know I am loved by nieces, I know I am a mother figure to some, but it isn't the same.  They are not my own, they did not come from my loins.

My hope for all mothers on this day is that you realize how lucky and fortunate you are.  Although your children may not be perfect, they are a gift to be cherished.  As hard as motherhood may be, count your blessings and know your work, your love, is not in vain.

I do know I am blessed.  I was blessed with a wonderful, kind, loving husband.  I have two beautiful 'baby girls' (my cats)...I have a good life.  We don't always understand why life takes us down the roads it does, we can only get in the driver's seat and make the best of it.  Life is good.

So, to all my mother friends and family - I hope you have a wonderful day...relish in all the love that is thrown your way and count each and every blessing.

Sunday, April 11, 2010

Justice

I've been thinking a lot about justice these days.  What is justice and how is it served?  I am praying that justice is served, but is not the defendant's family also praying that justice is served?  Both sides cannot have justice - at least not the justice they desire or seek.  We have truth on our side.  Will justice prevail because of truth?  Will my nieces find the justice they seek for all the injustices done to them? 

And the trial, so close, was postponed, once again.  My niece cried saying she just wants this to be over.  As a wise aunt, I told her if she wants it to be over, let it be so within herself.  I told her not to let the trial be the deciding factor for her...b/c who knows how long this will continue?  And yet, despite my words to her, I find that I am desiring the exact same thing - I just want it to be over.  I want to know that he will pay for what he's done, I want to know that we can go on without thinking about what's to come.  I want to know that he is shitting bricks, wondering what his life will entail for the next 10-20 years. 

I know God has the perfect plan ~ I tell myself over and over that we don't always know what is in store, but He does.  I know He has my nieces and sister in the palms of His hands, and I know He is giving them strength and courage every day.  I know I should rest in Him - but I want to know NOW!  And through all these ponderings I can't but wonder...if I am constantly thinking and hoping and thinking and thinking, what are my sister and nieces doing?  I am but a small character in this play and I have all these emotions.  To be key characters?  I just cannot imagine.

And so we wait again.  For the next court date.  For whatever our justice system has in store for us.  We wait and wait and wait.

Thursday, March 25, 2010

Motorcycle Mama

Oh, I believe I forgot to mention...we are the proud owners of a '91 Honda Nighthawk - for those of you not in the know - that's a motorcycle.  Now mind you, it's not a huge bike, nor fully loaded, but it's big enough for the two of us.  Perfecto.

Terry has been wanting one for some time, and has been looking for years, actually.  But he would always talk himself out of the buy - for one reason or another.  This time, I told him to buy it.  Just do it.  And he did.  He got the tags today, so I do believe we will be going out for a little spin.  Of course, we need a sissy bar so my fat ass doesn't fall off the bike!  Pictures will definitely be forthcoming. 

The sellers sold a helmet with the bike - Terry put it on and he looked like the Great Gazoo, from the Flintstone's.  Now, who remembers that character and am I aging myself too much?  But he, Terry, looked so cute...of course, cute won't do on a bike, so we will also be investing in new helmets.  

Here's to cruising down the road...until next blog...

Anticipation

Well, tomorrow evening my niece and her friend (who is like a niece) will be here for spring break.  I am so looking forward to their visit.  This week has been taken up with cleaning the house, washing sheets, making the beds, washing the windows, etc.  Today I finished.  Tomorrow I will blow the leaves off the front porch and back patio and then await their arrival.

Today is beautiful.  I do believe that spring has finally sprung - in every sense of the word.  The windows are opened, candles are burning - the scent of fresh grass fills the air.  I can hear the distant, but loud, radio of our neighbor who doesn't seem to know the word 'moderate' or 'neighborly', as he plays his music as loud as he wants.  At least today he isn't yelling at someone on the phone or in person, which usually include a few chosen cuss words!

Yes, today is a good day.  I've written two poems - something I've done very little of since November 2009.  Poetry lifts my soul and offers a way to release emotion deep within.  Writing is part of my being, something I think my husband finds hard to understand.  He accepts my need to write, but when I do he's thinking 'oh no, what did I do now?' or better 'what didn't I do?' to cause her to write.  Sometimes it is venting.  Sometimes my poem are very literal, sometimes I use poetic license.  One little emotion or thought, real or imagined, can trigger a barrage of words...I just go with the flow. 

And so, I'll leave you to revel in my deep ramblings of the day...until next blog...

Friday, March 19, 2010

Violet

I met a new friend today...her name is Violet - she is 86 years old and walks her dog, Angel (a pom) three times a day.  I see her everyday pass our house, and today I was lucky enough to meet her.  She walks along with her rolator, as Angel trots beside her.  It truly is the cutest site.  I am very pleased that I got to meet her and look forward to having other conversations with her.

Lemons into Lemonade

So, it's settled.  Employment in Florida sucks - big time!  I've applied at various places and haven't been able to attain a position.  And today, I got a letter stating 'my application will not be considered any further' from the Flagler Sherriff's Department - a job I really wanted.  Why?  Who knows...I'm thinking there was someone in-house already pegged for the job - because let's face it, my credentials were perfect for the position.  I am greatly disappointed; I truly thought this was the job that would come through.  BUT...it was full time, and I'm not quite sure I want full time.  

All I know is that I need something to occupy some of my time.  With Terry working, I have way too much time on my hands and spend way too much time playing Bejeweled and thinking, thinking, thinking.  Thinking about things I have no control over, thinking about things I do have control over; thinking about this blog - is it really worth writing down my thoughts, thinking about family, thinking about the loss of a relationship...but that's another subject for another blog.

Now that I know I will not be working full time, I will start looking at volunteer opportunities...I would like to volunteer at a cat clinic, but knowing me, I'd fall in love with all the cats and want to bring them home - something my dear husband would not stand for...two is quite enough, or so he says.  And, two of my nieces are coming down at the end of March, two more for the summer...so I will have all the time I want to spend with them, do whatever we want, whenever we want.

As the old saying goes 'when life gives you lemons, make lemonade'...I'm not all that fond of lemonade, but I'll give it a shot, what else can I do?

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Eowyn's Song

I longed for you
Sweet Eowyn,
to fill my empty arms;
like a dream
you came to me,
if only fleetingly,
filling my heart
with joy .
Vacant now,
my womb still aches
and yet, again,
I long for your return,
if only in my dreams.

Copyright © Kristina M. Hooper, 03/16/2010

My heart is heavy today; my niece miscarried.  She and her husband had longed for this child for years...and now, nothing.  Eowyn is what they were going to call her.  Some know the name from Lord of the Rings - the warrior princess, niece of Theodin, who killed the Nazgul.  I wish I could do something, say something to ease the pain and emptiness my Katie is feeling ~ but what is there to say?  Only that I love her so and ache for her.  

These are the times I question why?  What is the purpose of taking such a precious life?  What would she have been like?  Unique and beautiful for sure - just like her mother.  The battle to conceive was long and hard...as one who was never able to conceive, the battle was near and dear to my heart.  And what joy when I was told the joyous news...and now, I know not the reasons why, but I grieve so.  

Be at peace, sweet Eowyn, another angel in heaven to watch over us.

Monday, March 15, 2010

Harry Homeowner

So, we decide to go to Lowe's today to buy a drill.  But just what kind of drill?  A hammer drill?  An impact drill?  A drill/driver or just a drill?  And what size bits do we need ~ 1/2" or 3/8"?  After half an hour of listening to my husband describe what he needed, we left the store empty handed!  Ah men...I love my Harry Homeowner and I'm happy to see him doing new things, making our home safe and maintained.  He is wonderful, but sometimes can be a bit frustrating!

On a lighter note, we did order chinese for dinner and drove to the river front to eat - beautiful breeze - okay, downright chilly, as the sun was setting and the fish were jumping...this is my life and I love it!

Sunday, March 14, 2010

Thoughts

I woke up this morning, couldn't sleep, and it was so dark...thought is was the middle of the night...the clock said 7:09 - another dark, rainy day.  But alas, our clocks change automatically, so in reality it was only 6:09...the day is now dawning and it looks to be a beauty!  Blue skies, sunny...birds already singing their songs!  I am filled with wonder and happiness that I am here - truly blessed.

Yesterday was  a good day.  We ventured out and about.  Went to the farmer's market and bought our fresh produce for the week; stopped by a flea market and purchased a few goodies - a cast iron skillet, a veggie griller, and I purchased two books - just couldn't resist.  Went to a nursery to investigate various soils for our garden; then home again.  It was good to spend the day with my love - I miss him during the week.

As much as I tell myself I will never by another book until I read all those I have (which are many), it doesn't work.  I bought an Alexander Dumas novel entitled 'The Vicomte de Bragelonne' and a John Bartlett book 'Familiar Quotations'...got both for $3 and they are hardback.  No paperbacks for me...wimpy are paperbacks.  I love the feel of hardbacks, and the older, the better.  In this I am so like my Daddy...I definitely inherited his love of books; and though my husband doesn't completely understand my lunacy, when we moved here he ensured that I had a library - he was insistent.  I love this room - can sit here for hours - just gazing at my books - they give me peace and comfort.  Very hard to explain.  I believe it's a feeling only a few know - those who truly love the written word.  

On my second cup of coffee now...my sweet Dulcinea is sitting on the ottoman, sleeping; my husband is on his computer with Miss Marplestein on his lap.  I love the serenity of such mornings. 

Due to certain circumstances, I have not written a poem since November 2009...the other night, inspiration struck - below is my latest creation:
 Waiting

Sitting here, waiting
as I often do;
hoping and praying
some comfort from you.
but word never comes,
it hasn't for years;
and yet here I wait,
alone in my tears.
waiting and watching,
still living a lie;
my heart won't forget,
my love will not die.
 

Copyright © Kristina M. Hooper, 03/13/2010