Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Heart Strings

And so, tomorrow my husband and I will be heading home.  It's been a long time away for both of us and we are eager to get back home, to our home.  I miss my babies.  Yet leaving family and friends is hard, and the heart strings are pulling...

This has been another wild, emotional ride...will there ever be a time we visit when hospitals and sick people aren't involved?  We came up in June for our nephew's wedding and ended up spending most of the time at a hospital, his brother fighting for his life.  This time, there has been sickness, surgeries, accidents, hospital visits - on both sides of the family.  My Dad is still in the hospital and leaving him is rather hard.  Leaving my Mom, alone in her condo, is hard.  Part of me wants to stay longer to ensure Dad is okay; to keep Mom company so she's not alone, but I know both will be well cared for by my siblings.  Even so, the heart strings pull.

I wasn't planning to be up here for three and half weeks.  And yes, Miss Marplestein and Dulcinea are 'just' cats, but I miss them so much.  They are so tactile - so love to be touched.  Do they miss our touch when we're gone?  Do they even care that we're gone?  I'd like to think so.  I know Billy is taking good care of them, he always does, but he isn't Mommy or Daddy...I want to sit on my couch, with my babies around me...ah, just to be home, back to our own routine, our own bed...yes, the heart strings pull.

I was fortunate this time around to have a vehicle.  My sister and brother-in-law, and nephew (though he didn't have much choice!), graciously allowed us to use Matt's car.  I was able to visit many friends, and family; something I haven't done much on recent trips home.  Good friends are hard to come by and I have been blessed with wonderful, dear friendships that I cherish and nurture.  My family?  Much healing has transpired during the last year.  God has been good.  There is nothing more important in life than family and true friends.  I am most fortunate to have so many blessings in my life.  My heart sings with happiness.

So, we will leave tomorrow.  My heart happy and sad at the same time; my heart strings playing like a violin.

Thursday, November 25, 2010

Jar of Hearts

The lyrics to this song are quite powerful.  Christina Perri sings the song, and most likely it is written for a romantic/love relationship.  And yet my niece said it rather reminds her of her Dad.  How sad is it, that a daughter would feel these words, emotions, towards her father...I listened to the song and ended up in tears.  

And I wonder if he has any clue what he has lost?  The great love he threw away from two of the most precious gifts he ever possessed.  No, a man with 'ice in his soul' wouldn't realize such a thing because he thinks only of himself, loves only himself.  Thing is, my nieces are not his ghosts anymore, they are alive and thriving and moving on, despite the hurt and betrayal, despite his lies.  Thankfully, they 'have grown too strong to ever fall back into his arms'.  Who does he think he is?  

My thought was to write a Thanksgiving piece (since today is the day for giving thanks) and to write about this latest, wild, trip to Maryland...but I logged onto Facebook first, saw my niece's post re this song.  Bam!  I knew I had to write more.  Perhaps tomorrow I will write about trivial things. 

Jar of Hearts

I know I can't take one more step towards you
Cause all that's waiting is regret
And don't you know I'm not your ghost anymore
You lost the love I loved the most

I learned to live half alive
And now you want me one more time

And who do you think you are
Running 'round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You're gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
So don't come back for me
Who do you think you are

I hear you're asking all around
If I am anywhere to be found
But I have grown too strong
To ever fall back in your arms

I learned to live half alive
And now you want me one more time

And who do you think you are
Running 'round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You're gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
So don't come back for me
Who do you think you are

And it took so long just to feel alright
Remember how to put back the light in my eyes
I wish I had missed the first time that we kissed
Cause you broke all your promises
And now you're back
You don't get to get me back

And who do you think you are
Running 'round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You're gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
So don't come back for me
Don't come back at all

And who do you think you are
Running 'round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You're gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
Don't come back for me
Don't come back at all

Who do you think you are?
Who do you think you are?
Who do you think you are?
 
http://youtu.be/8v_4O44sfjM