After much deliberation and soul searching, my father has decided to stop his dialysis treatments. He started hospice care Wednesday evening (12/29/10), at home. He is home, where he has longed to be for seven long, torturous weeks. He is home with the love of his life. He is home, surrounded by his family, surrounded by love.
It is all too surreal. My mind knows he is home to die, and it won't be long. But my heart looks at him, sees him and thinks 'he's just sick, he'll get better'. This time, there is no better - only when he leaves this life to join his Mom and Dad, his Grammy, in eternal life.
How do you say goodbye to someone who has been a part of your life forever? How do you say goodbye to the one person you trust beyond all measure, the one person who makes you feel so special and loved? How do you say goodbye to such a holy, spiritual man who was a devoted husband for 59 years; and a dedicated and loving father? Who served his Lord with all his heart, mind, and soul?
I know he is at peace with his decision, as is the entire family. But last night, sitting by his bed, I couldn't help but think I wanted to change my mind; I don't want him to go, I want him to stay. I want to hear his voice when I call home. I want to hear that laugh, the chuckle. I want to be held in his arms and told everything will be okay.
How can anyone measure up to Daddy? When God created my Dad, he threw away the mold . There isn't anyone in the world like him. Hell, I waited 38 years to find a man like him! No one gives better bear hugs, no one makes you feel so loved and accepted. Thought not a perfect man, he is, and always will be, the perfect Dad. I love you, Daddy and I will miss you forever. Love, Poopsie