Friday, June 18, 2010


I'm sitting here, just chilling out, relaxing, listening to a gentle thunder - hoping it will rain - our flowers/plants desperately need the water.  For three days now the sky has blackened, thunder has boomed, and then it passes right over...I'm relaxing because tomorrow we have a long, arduous drive...heading back to Baltimore for my nephew's wedding.

Where did the time go?  I remember when he was just a little baby - when my sister and her husband packed up and moved to Yakima, Washington.   I remember being at the airport saying our goodbyes, and he was just months old...he was the cutest baby!  He came out cute...he was the first baby that I ever truly said was beautiful!  And he still is.  He has become a handsome young man, responsible, and he has found the woman he wants to share his life with.  I have not met her; am looking forward to doing sister loves her, so that's a good sign!  But I don't feel that much older.  I know I am, but I still feel so young at heart, so youthful; except, of course when I hear the music of today, when I hear the 'language' of today, when I see the fashions of today...ouch!  I then realize I AM OLD!

Going home is a good thing this time.  Much has transpired during the past year.  Much anger, much sadness, much pain, and many, many tears.  But God is faithful to those who love Him, and He, and time, heals all wounds.  Family is family is family.  Can't get away from them no matter how hard you try.  No matter how bad things get, family is blood and reconciliation will always happen.  Perhaps it will take a few days, perhaps weeks, perhaps years or even decades, but it will happen.

I love my family.  Yes, I picked up and moved away, but going home feels wonderful.  I am actually very excited to see my sisters and brothers and parents and nieces and nephews; to be there for my big sister on this very special day of her life.  Not long ago, I hurt her deeply - whether intentional or not, doesn't matter.  She was hurt and I missed something very dear to her. No more I say!  Life is too short to hold on to 'stuff'.  That's all it is - STUFF!  Let the anger go, let the hurt feelings go, let the negative fade away and embrace only the good and the positive.  Cherish the family you have because it's the only one you got.  You can pick your friends, but you can't pick your family...for better, for worse, they are there.

It is family that will see you through the rough times.  It is family that will call you on your shit, on your shenanigans.  It is family that will support you, even though they don't agree with your life choices...get my is family that will be there. Always.  Ain't no two ways about it.  And I'm driving 13 hours to see my wonderful, loving, crazy, mixed up family.  What family doesn't have issues?  What family doesn't have drama?  Okay, some families have more than others, and my family can be a bit dramatic...but they are mine!
I wouldn't trade them for the world. 

Only one thing saddens me:  knowing I have to leave my babies behind.  Yesterday was quite a traumatic day for Miss Marplestein and Dulcinea...they had to endure a flea dip, and then we isolated them in the other side of the house while we sprayed the house with flea spray.  Both were exhausted last night - just layed around and stayed close to us.  Today hasn't been much different.  However, they did get up and move into my husband's armoir, and then into the suitcase - I guess to keep us from leaving.  They will be well cared for while we are gone, but I will miss them so.  I will miss holding them at night, I will miss singing to them, talking to them and being Mommy...they are the most adorable cats in the whole wide world, and they are my family, my babies.

I will not be taking my laptop with me.  I find when it's with me, it becomes too much a part of me. I spend too much time on my poetry sites, or facebook...interacting with laptop, instead of family.  It stays home this time. I'll suffer withdrawls, but I'll survive, I'm sure.

So, as I sit here waiting for the rain, my spirit is high with anticipation and love...for I will soon see all my beloveds...and I simply cannot wait!


  1. I am crying and aching at the same time as I read this as I feel you have hit the nail on the head once truly have a gift for words and once again have brought tears to my heart...thank you...

  2. Anyway, you have a computer here you can use to ease the withdrawal pains. Love you.

  3. we do have one heck of a family!! never a dull moment in the swartz household!!