Monday, March 14, 2011

Bacon


It happened today over bacon, of all things.

The day started out normally.  Went for an eye appointment, then we decided to have breakfast out.  I ordered my usual creamed chip beef, my husband ordered his usual pancakes, eggs, and crispy bacon.  The bacon, of course, was for me.  We were laughing, chatting, enjoying the time together.

Our meals came out, and I ate one piece of delicious crispy bacon.  As I moved on to the next, I thought of Dad.  I thought of how much he loved bacon; and how one of his last meals was bacon.  My husband attempted to cook him bacon, but even dying, Dad knew his bacon, knew good bacon from bad bacon.  Dad's critique of my husband's bacon was 'mediocre, not quite as good as Mom's'.  All of this came flooding back in an instant, and the tears started; I couldn't drink my coffee, I couldn't talk. The lump in my throat felt like my chipped beef had just stalled and wouldn't go any further.  Then I started thinking of his last days - did he know how much he was loved?  What was he thinking during those last days, when he couldn't talk, just slept?  Did he know how much I loved him, how much we all loved him, or did he simply think we wanted him out of the way? What were his thoughts?

I remember one day sitting with him.  I started crying, and he called me to him, he hugged me.  He said 'Poopsie, you're not okay with this are you?'  I tried to tell him I was, but I was going to miss him so much.  He told me that he understood, that he knew I had to cry my tears; then he caressed me and told me he would always be my side.

All these thoughts came in an instant, as if a dam had broken...and all over a slice of bacon.

4 comments:

  1. Amazing how smells and tastes can bring back so many memories! Of course your Dad knew how much you loved him when he couldn't speak! I'm glad you were able to cry over this, Krissy. It's so important to your health.
    This is beautiful. I keep you all in my prayers and though I haven't seen your dad in a few years, I miss his presence here on earth. Love you!

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  2. Thank you so much for your comment...I have to believe he knew, but sometimes the doubts come...Love you!

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  3. That's a great memory Kristina, thanks for sharing. I share a tear with you as I type this out. Forever I will now link my crispy bacon with my mom for your story reminds me of my last days with her and of all the doubts and fears I had. No matter how long it's been, I will always hurt at the loss of my mom, but I embrace that hurt because it reminds me of how much I love her. Thank you.

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  4. Thank you. It's good to know that even though the hurt stays, it does lessen; and that love continues, always. Appreciate you reading.

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