The Truth of Depression

Hello again.

Back by not so popular demand 😁 

Depression is a sneaky thing.  Depression doesn't play fair. And depression does not make sense.  By all accounts, on paper, I should be the happiest person on earth. I have a loving, devoted husband, a wonderful marriage, a beautiful home, family and friends that love me unconditionally, fairly good health. The list is endless.  Yet for years, I have suffered from mild depression.  

I have always believed that depression was a state of mind - that one could choose to be depressed, or one could choose to be happy.  I didn't get it.  But it is not so simple.  My depression started in 2009, with a horrific family tragedy. Subsequent years were followed by my father's death along with sudden deaths (and not so sudden) of  family members and friends. And though our move to Florida was/is the best thing we have ever done, the isolation from family took a toll. 

As I said above, depression does not makes sense.  Here's why. At the time we moved here, there was quite a bit of family stress. I relished the fact that I was not front and center any more, that I could easily distance myself.  And yest distancing created isolation. As much as I want socialization, I crave solitude even more.  I know truth. I know I am loved. I know I have a God-given talent for writing. I know I have a purpose. I know I am a good person. But the truth often fades with the complex ramblings in my mind. Every day is a battle between veracity and mendacity.  The political schism in our home and this pandemic has created even greater isolation. 

Fear not, my friends. There are days of sunshine and happiness. My baby sister has just moved down to Florida and lives a mile away. We see each other almost every day and it has been a true blessing having her so close. As mundane as my days can be with Mom, I am blessed to spend these days with her. My four legged babies bring me comfort. And my husband still remains my greatest love. 💗

If you are one who believes that depression is a choice, I ask that you reconsider. If you know of someone who suffers, be kind and patient.  Depression is a complex, sneaky disease. And that's the truth. 


Comments

  1. kateWednesday, 17 February, 2021

    AMEN! Molly and I were just talking about this very same thing today. Depression is EVIL and it’s insidious. I don’t wake up in the morning and say” I’m going to be depressed today, no, it’s just there looming over ones head like a dark cloud that follows you wherever you go.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. KristinaWednesday, 17 February, 2021

      Isn’t that strange? You were talking about it and of all days, I wrote about it. 💕

      Delete
  2. KarenWednesday, 17 February, 2021

    So well said and dead on. Depression is not a choice. I too am so grateful that we are able to see one another almost daily and

    ReplyDelete
  3. JosephineWednesday, 17 February, 2021

    As usual, beautifully written prose Kristina about a very misunderstood illness💕

    ReplyDelete
  4. KristinaWednesday, 17 February, 2021

    It was important to speak my truth ❤️

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Oh My!

Image
  And it has nothing to do with lions, tigers, and bears. Mom is not Dorothy, and we are definitely not over the rainbow in Oz, or in Kansas for that matter. 😅 Oh My! is Mom's new catch phrase.  When she sees her morning pills, 'oh my! these are all mine?' Every. Single. Morning. And same for her evening pills, 'oh my! all these?' When she gets her breakfast, lunch, and dinner - no matter how small the serving size, 'oh my! what a feast!'. Every night she has ice cream for a snack. The same portion, the same vanilla ice cream. 'Oh my!  All this?! What a treat!'.  God bless her. 💖  We just smile and answer as if it's the first time we've heard the question.  We are aware how fortunate we are. Mom could react much differently. She could refuse to take her meds, she could refuse to eat, and she could complain that she gets the same old, boring, vanilla ice cream every night (sorry, my love!). But it's all new to her. Every time we go to th
Read more

I Cry

Image
On 21 January 2013, my beloved brother-in-law suddenly passed away.  He went out for his walk, and never came home, having had a massive heart attack.  He left a loving, devoted wife and three children behind.  Not to mention a grieving extended family.  My heart aches for my sister and my nieces, and nephew; wanting to comfort and console, but knowing my words fall short so many times.  Some hurts are just too hard to write about.  But today, I was able to pen some words - imagining how my sister feels, and the emptiness that is now in her life.  This poem is dedicated to my dearest sister, Kate; my nephew, Matt; and my two nieces, Molly and Maggie.               I Cry I cannot face this world alone,  not sure I want to try; the future now so damned unknown,  with every tear I cry. You left me here, without a word,  not even a goodbye; now every day is just absurd,  and every day I cry. So hard to comprehend this plan,  hard not to question why; I only know I miss my man,  
Read more

Precious Moments and Simple Joys

Image
Look at this woman! How fortunate are we to share her final years. To bring her joy, contentment, security, and love. We are blessed beyond measure.  Mom loses her pens. I don't know how, or where they disappear, but they vanish into oblivion. The other day I was browsing Amazon and came across some puzzle books I thought she would enjoy (as you can see she does), and found these 'happy pens'.  They are the cutest pens - with different faces, and moppy hair. AND, she finds them delightful. Simple joys.  I've heard it said that children grow quickly. In a blink of an eye they are young adults making life choices on their own. Parents should spend time with their children, quality time. Parents shouldn't worry about messy rooms, or dirty dishes in the sink. Savor the time you have, each magical moment, for it will not last forever.  Terry and I were not blessed with children, but I find myself repeating these same words to myself. I've realized that playing my gam
Read more