Reflections of A Great Woman ~ Carmella
A wise man recently told me that “your personality is God-given, but your temperament is a learned behavior”. On the surface, the two may not match and may contradict one another, which can be confusing to say the least to yourself and those you love. But with the help of the Great Physician, it doesn’t have to stay that way.
As I prayed and reflected on what I was going to say today I struggled through many emotions before finding the right words. Like many mothers and daughters, mom and I didn’t always get along. However, as I grew older and had a family of my own, I realized how difficult it must have been for her to raise seven children of her own and not go crazy. I’m sure many of you who can relate.
So, I’m here today to tell you about some of the wonderful memories I have of my mom. She was born Carmella DellaValle on December 19, 1929, and she lived on this earth for 33,489 days until her passing on July 2nd. Unlike me, my mom was an excellent storyteller. I loved listening to her tell us about her childhood growing up in the little coal mining town of Heilwood, PA. Although she was born during the depression, she always remembered her childhood as being very happy. Playing with her sisters, walking through fields of flowers, walking the railroad tracks, sitting on the hill watching cars drive by on Saturday night. It was carefree and happy in a town with only three streets. She would always reflect saying, “those were the simple days.”
Mom was a true competitor. She was a crackerjack at the game of “jacks”. No one wanted to play with her because no one could beat her. She taught us the game when we were kids, but I don’t ever remembering beating the queen of jacks. Mom was probably laughing in heaven watching me and my sisters play jacks on the floor yesterday – it brought back many memories for us.
Sadly, when she was 17, her dad passed away from a tragic coal mining accident. Eight years later, shortly after I was born, she lost her mother to cancer; mom was only 24 at the time. She had to learn how to be a young wife and mother without the love, support and guidance from her parents. Those were difficult times for her.
She met and fell in love with my dad while they both worked for the FBI. Dad joined the Air Force and they married in 1951. They were married for 59 years when dad passed in 2011. After four years in the Air Force, Dad rejoined the FBI and our trek up and down the east coast began. Together our family made many, many moves - in most cases, dad had already picked out a new house and was settled at his new assignment, leaving Mom to pack up the kids and the household goods. As a mother of three, I can’t even imagine how stressful it must have been for her.
My mom loved the Lord. She was born with a beautiful and perfect personality, loving, kind, giving, and compassionate, I know this because it is written in Psalms 139:13-14, one of Mom’s favorite scripture passages, where David is praising God saying,
“For you created my innermost parts; You wove me in my mother’s womb. I will give thanks to You because I am beautifully and wonderfully made”
Although too young to remember, old photographs tell a beautiful story of my mom’s love for us. Mom went all out on birthday parties when we were little. As we got older, she would celebrate our birthdays with our favorite meal and dessert. She went out of her way to make holidays very special. At Christmas, Mom would bake up to 150 dozen cookies, which we and friends would snack on all through the holidays. She was an amazing cook, baker, and seamstress. I’d like to think I inherited my skills from her. Another one of my favorite memories is our trips to Kramer’s pool in Glenwood, MD where Mom took her brood of 7 almost every day in the summer. We got there very early for free swim lessons and sometimes stayed through lunch and dinner. Dad would meet us there after work. Another favorite memory was going to the drive-in movies in our station wagon… Mom would make homemade popcorn and bring a Tupperware full of Kool-Aid.
Mom taught us the value of money. She was very frugal, always looking for ways to save money to help live within our means. We couldn’t afford the latest fashion in clothes, so we wore hand-me-downs to make do - I remember wearing my brothers’ jeans and sweatshirts. Mom made all my Barbie doll clothes, from wedding dresses to bathing suits. Anyone that knows how to sew, can truly appreciate how difficult it must’ve been to make miniature clothing. I remember watching her in our little den, bent over her Singer sewing machine during her “FREE” time.
Mom would split a gallon of whole milk to make three. She would bake six loaves of homemade bread every other day. I remember the smell of homemade bread when we walked through the door after school, and we all fought over who would get the heal. We would smother it with margarine, then lick the margarine paper, to Mom’s chagrin. We would have a pizza night a couple times a month, which was an awesome treat for our family of 9. But we didn’t buy pizzas from the local pizza parlor because we’d go broke, so Mom made all the dough and toppings from scratch. Whenever we had salad, which was almost every night, she saved all the cucumber skins for us to eat because she knew we loved them, silly I know. She bought less expensive generic cereal and poured it into a brand name box, so we’d think it was the real deal. And in the winter, she made sure we were bundled up before going out into the snow, made hot chocolate for us to enjoy after sledding and made sure we had a hot breakfast in our tummies before we headed out to school. Dinner was always on the table EVERY. SINGLE. NIGHT. At 6:00 pm sharp. Keep in mind she did all this while raising 7 children and running a home day care business for many years.
Mom had a big heart for helping others. From providing a safe place for troubled teens to caring for the elderly during her retirement years. She loved to work outside. She mowed the grass into her late 70’s and took much pride in planting and pruning her gardens in Catonsville. She even won an award for her beautiful gardens one year. These are just a few of thecherished memories I have of my mom. I could go on and on, but I know our time is limited.
Over the past several years, mom and I were able to mend our differences, forgive one another, and we grew to love each other more deeply that I could have ever imagined. We had a spiritual connection and shared our faith through deep conversations and scripture readings. My fondest memory will always be on June 16th of this year, in the wee hours of the night, Mom woke up and was unsettled and tried to speak. I crawled in bed with her and asked what was bothering her. She whispered that she wasn’t sure if she was going to heaven. When I asked why and she said, “I’m not sure I’ve been forgiven for the things in my life.” I explained to her that true forgiveness only comes from God through the gift of baptism, and I asked if she wanted to be baptized in Christ for the forgiveness of her sins; she said yes. Afterward she fell into a very peaceful sleep.
In closing, I can honestly say that when I read Proverbs 31:10-31, Description of a Worthy Woman (written on one of her cards out front), I will always think of my mom for she encompassed the true meaning of that passage.
Rest in peace sweet Mother, Mom, Marmie, Momma, Mommy, Noni, GG…I will be dancing in heaven with you one day,
Your Loving Daughter, “Mary Jo
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