It Is What It Is

 

Today is a bad day. 


Have you ever felt a loss for something you never had?  A paralyzing sadness has washed over me. There are things I should be doing, and yet all I can do is sit. Perhaps writing will help alleviate the melancholy. 


We have plans to go away for a week. My youngest sister, Karen, will be here to care for Mom.  Mom has had a rough couple of days due to an infection/medication. Last night she was up several times, so today is she a bit confused and sleepy.  As much as I need this getaway, I am concerned that caring for Mom alone may be a bit overwhelming for my sister.  Though I do most of her personal care, Terry is here in the evening to cook dinner, clean up, and provide emotional support. 


Mom has been asking if I think Karen can handle everything. Mom is concerned about her 'baby' doing some of the things I do.  Karen has spoken with Mom, I have spoken with Mom to console her and let her know everything will be okay. Not sure Mom believes us.  Mom has said she wants Terry and I to go away, but I'm not so sure she really does.  I believe she is comfortable with us. She is comfortable with the routine, and how I care for her.  If we, I, go away, things will be different.  I believe the thought of us going scares Mom, though she will never admit that to us.  


So, do we delay our departure (which is feasible) and perhaps not go for an entire week?  Or do we stay home, take a few day trips, and perhaps an overnight?  I am frustrated. I am angry and hurt at Mom for 'doing' this - emotions are often unreasonable. But as they say, it is what it is.  



Comments

  1. JosephineWednesday, 14 October, 2020

    Hang in there Kristina...I can't imagine what it's like to care for a loved one in this way full-time. But I do know from talking with many who have done it, that you need to take advantage of any respite offered. It will probably be hard the first time, but should get easier. Give yourself a few days off to rest and recuperate so that you can be your best for your husband, for Mom, but most of all for yourself.

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  2. AnnMarieSaturday, 17 October, 2020

    You have such a caring heart. Moments of anger and frustration are all part of caring for an aging parent, The time away with Terry will help you to refresh. You are doing a great job caring for your mom. I'll be praying that you have peace with whatever decision you make. As it was said above, you need this respite time and give yourself that permission to take it. Love you Kristina and am thinking about you.

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    Replies
    1. KristinaSaturday, 17 October, 2020

      Thank you for your wise words. Thinking of you and your family, too. ❣️

      Delete

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