So many thoughts have been raging through my head today, so forgive me if none of this makes sense - it is pure randomness...my thoughts put to paper, or put to blog.
Eleven months today. I marvel at the complexity of grief. How is it my mind knows something is real, yet my heart has such a hard time believing, cannot comprehend. His absence is still surreal. It's so hard thinking of him in the past tense - I can't. My heart won't let me just yet. I miss you so much.
I guess this relates somewhat to my last blog about growing up ourselves. To my niece who has chosen her own lifestyle: your choice. You've chosen to smoke pot, drink excessively, party...you've chosen your sexuality. You've chosen not to keep a job - all the other things you're doing are just too important to hold down a 'stupid' job - seasonal or not. Just because your parents will no longer tolerate your irresponsibility and don't approve of your choices, does not mean they do not love you. Be an adult. You've chosen what you want; they have chosen their lifestyle and beliefs which are far different from yours. That's okay. You can still love each other without approving of the choices made. Maturity. And you need some fast.
Christmas is fast approaching. We've decorated outside, and the tree is up with lights glowing. The manger is on display. My heart isn't in it. I know there is more to be done, but it seems so overwhelming. What keeps me going? Wanting to have a beautiful Christmas for my niece.
What makes a life extraordinary? Is it creating a multi-billion software company, or discovering a cure for aids, or becoming president of the United States? Sure, all those would qualify as extraordinary. But isn't the life that gives to the poor, or being faithful to a spouse, or working each day to support a family - aren't all those lives extraordinary? I believe what we sometimes call 'ordinary' is actually quite extraordinary.
Funny how even as we age we can still make new friends. And in this day of cyber space, friends are found everywhere. I've 'met' some great people through this blog, through the games I play...it's a wonderful feeling to 'meet' someone and feel you've known them forever.
Random thoughts, I know...just some ramblings of an old, romantic soul...